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Books : Humour : General
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Now on the Kindle, 'Goodbye, Pert Breasts' has longer diary entries than those published online, as well as loads more chapters all giving excellent practical advice for dads in a way that will make you laugh until you cry!
This book is loved by new and experienced parents alike: dads can relate to Ben's hilarious anecdotes and observations on pregnancy, while mums relish the opportunity of reading this window into a man's mind during this life-changing time!
"Funny. . .a no-holds-barred account of what it's REALLY like to be a parent!" - Prima Baby Magazine
"Personal, witty and reassuring." - Pregnancy & Birth Magazine
"Ben’s anecdotes and insights are the stuff of a stand up genius!" - Book Reviews for Mums
"Every prospective dad will love this!" - Fathermag.com
"Ben keeps us laughing…it’s a wonderful take on pregnancy from the eyes of the father and a great read for expectant parents and long-time parents." - The Good Men Project
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Thirty-something Geordie girl Aimee Anderson has just been dumped by her fiancé, Robbie – on the night of their engagement party. So, in an attempt to get over both the relationship, and the rather embarrassing way in which it ended, Aimee and her best friend Jemma are going on the holiday of a lifetime which, in their case, is a trip around the Mediterranean on a mid-budget cruise liner. And there’s only one thing Aimee’s determined to do on this holiday, and that’s forget about Robbie and have some fun.
Danny Johnson is one-fifth of 90’s boy band Bon Voyage, and they’re about to make a comeback. In the middle of the Mediterranean. On the same cruise as Aimee. And Aimee used to love Bon Voyage. Aimee used to love Danny Johnson…
Back in the day, Danny had been the band’s “bad boy”, and whilst the years haven’t damaged his looks in any way, his post-pop-star life is in a bit of a mess. About to be divorced from Newcastle party princess and Z-list celebrity wannabe, Davina Black, and harbouring a secret from the past about the real reason Bon Voyage split up, Danny just isn’t sure if being back in a boy band is what he really wants. But one thing he does want is some fun. For the next two weeks, at least.
So, when Aimee finally meets the man of her dreams – literally – could they possibly have some fun together? Or is something – or somebody – about to stand in the way of Aimee having a holiday to remember?
Bon Voyage – a romantic comedy; a story of boy bands, broken dreams, and love on the ocean wave…
Michelle Betham is also the author of the edgy and sexy rock 'n' roll romance 'See You At The Show', the light-hearted romantic comedy 'Too Much Trouble in Paradise', and the epic Hollywood romance, ‘No Matter What’.
Follow Michelle on Twitter @michellebetham
Follow her blog at michellebethamwriter.blogspot.co.uk
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Romance can be a hairy business--especially when you're a werewolf.
As the owner of Get a Mate Dating Service, Rylie is more than happy to step in and lend a hand to lonely lycanthropic hearts all over town. No matter how hopeless Rylie might be in finding her own soul mate, she has a knack for helping others find theirs.
Convinced that she is stuck with a family curse, Rylie is positive she will never find her true love. But when drool-worthy Jack Chandler shows up at her door, Rylie wonders if maybe the curse is finally broken.
But Rylie's life is about to become complicated courtesy of the after-dark crowd. When she begins receiving strange notes and harassment from a jilted client, events careen out of control.
Jack knows she's more hassle than he can handle. What he doesn't know is whether she's seriously in trouble . . . or simply delusional.
More books available now by Rose Pressey:
How to Date a Vampire (Rylie Cruz Series, Book 2)
Me and My Ghoulfriends (Larue Donavan Series, Book 1)
Ghouls Night Out (Larue Donavan Series, Book 2)
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Spells (Mystic Cafe Series, Book 1)
Rock 'n' Roll is Undead (Veronica Mason Series, Book 1)
Coming soon:
Untitled (Mystic Cafe, Book 2)
Untitled (Larue Donavan, Book 3)
Spells, Demons, and Rock 'n' Roll (Veroni
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After several decades of looking for true love and never finding it, aging model and lingerie designer, Alexa Ranger, has finally given up the search. A couple years ago, she got tired of the game completely and just stopped dating. Now friends and family keep her mostly content, so it’s shocking at 50 yrs old to find herself suddenly wanting a sex life again. It’s even more shocking to be attracted to a much younger man this time. She definitely thinks Casey Carter is sexy, but not handling her own age well, Alexa just can’t get passed their twelve year age difference to even consider a fling. Not that it matters anyway, anything resembling a normal dating relationship is totally out of the question because Casey is related to and living with her daughter’s boyfriend. The very last thing Alexa needs is yet another talk-show worthy drama in her already complicated life, no matter how amazing Casey’s kisses make her feel.
For a couple of years, 38 yr old, medically retired Marine, Casey Carter, believed his military injury had made him impotent. Having lost his wife to cancer, he hadn’t exactly been worried about the problem. Most days walking with cane was enough challenge for him. But now that he was ready to move on with his life, he had become more worried when none of the females his cousin brought around held any interest for him. So the last woman in the world he expected to start his engine revving again was the mother of his cousin's girlfriend. Even at fifty, Alexa is drop-dead gorgeous, and his libido certainly keeps reminding him she is the first woman he has wanted in a long, long time. Ironically, the more Casey gets to know and like Alexa, he finds out desiring the older woman is the easiest part. Jaded and cynical about love, Alexa is a difficult woman to convince of anything, but her kisses are all the proof he needs that they belong together. The former Marine decides his next mission is figuring out how to fit himself into her life.
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The capture of Osama Bin Laden, the royal wedding, Jeremy Clarkson, Ryan Giggs and the plight of the travelling-folk, this hilarious diary takes you through real events during 2010 and 2011 as seen by a rather opinionated single mum.
Woven in with the current affairs commentary is the story of Single-Mum, The Teenager, Annabelle and Hector the dog.
The diary picks up real parenting situations and real problems faced by anybody attempting to bring order to the chaos that is the life of a single parent.
Single-Mum makes no apology for the scrapes she gets herself into and as a result, her diary is a reassuring, laugh-out-loud, journey through 2010 and 2011.
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“You are in Paris, the City of Love. You must not be so controlled. Here, have another glass. I promise you, it will not hurt.”
When 29-year-old event planner Chloe Turner wakes up penniless and without a passport in the Plaza Athénée Hotel in Paris, she only has a few fleeting memories of Claude, the suave French man who convinced her to have that extra glass of wine before taking all of her possessions and slipping out the door. As the overly organized, go-to gal for her three drama queen younger sisters, her anxiety-ridden father, and her needy clients, Chloe is normally prepared for every disaster that comes her way. But with her wedding to her straight-laced, lawyer fiancé back in DC only days away and a French con-man on the loose with her engagement ring, this is one catastrophe she never could have planned for.
As Chloe tries to figure out a way home, she runs into an even bigger problem—the police are after her due to suspicious activity now tied to her bank account. Chloe's only hope at retrieving her passport and clearing her name lies in the hands of a rugged, undercover agent named Julien who has a few secrets of his own. As Chloe follows this mysterious, and—although she doesn't want to admit it—sexy French man on a wild chase through the sun-kissed countryside of France, she discovers a magical world she never knew existed and has to decide if the perfectly ordered life she’s built for herself back home is really what she wants after all.
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At the heart of this riotous laugh-a-paragraph farce that will delight members of amateur dramatic societies everywhere, lies a forgotten village in a remote valley where the 'real valley folk' live, including Cuthbert, the village undertaker, impressario of the shambolic annual theatre production, and holy fool; Margery, the local beauty and mother of the Mafia twins whose constant creative disruption provides a reliable source of hazard and misadventure; the anonymous milkman whose flashing teeth can fell a woman at fifty paces; Percy the gardener whose still waters run curiously if not necessarily deep; and the regulars at the Mandrake Arms who drink to remember, drink to forget as plots and plans flourish in their midst.
Suddenly into this by-water of rural oblivion bursts a band of newcomers who have taken up residence of the seigneurial Mandrake Hall – Henry, a prominent media reporter and his daughter who is more horse than her horse; Henry's brother, Ronald, an adventurer, a mercenary and a sometime crook; and the unreconstituted Captain and his much put-upon wife Elspeth.
What are these rank and unlikely outsiders doing in these obscure parts and what are they looking for as they vigorously comb the village and the extensive network of tunnels built beneath it?
One clue is the persistent legend that the Bard himself, William Shakespeare, was once employed as a tutor up at the Hall (thus the annual village play) and that there might still be fragments of his early work – a fumbling politically-incorrect piece – waiting to be discovered.
Fame and fortune may follow, but corpses will be dug up first.
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A monster at the bottom of a hill eats all of the garbage generated by the town on top of the hill. This provides two important benefits: The monster is happy with plenty to eat and the town stays nice and clean. Unfortunately, as the town grows, so does the amount of garbage the monster must consume. He gets bigger - and he starts burping. This is, as you can probably guess, a bit unsightly and stinky. In the end, the kids figure out how to solve the problem - despite the nasty mayor's doubts and objections.
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Everyone can see the Queen's smart coats and dresses, but what does she wear underneath, particularly for a school visit? Through the eyes of a girl hoping for a school visit by the Queen, this book reveals the range of royal underwear, from garden party and Christmas speech knickers to the VIP (Very Important Pair) for the Parliament opening.
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Effie has a million reasons why she's not thrilled to be at her sister's wedding -- and the monstrously pink bridesmaid's dress isn't even on the list. When Effie finds herself locked in the bathroom, she thinks she might just stay there. After all, it's better than hearing from her mom about how often she's been to the buffet or how beautiful Ophelia looks in her wedding dress.
In this hysterical young adult short story, Effie will have to find a reason to celebrate... or get used to her porcelain throne.
Sample:
5 (Totally Selfish) Reasons I Do Not Want George As A Brother-In-Law
5.) My sister is only 20, and he is 29. That means he’s almost thirty, which means that when she’s forty, he’ll be almost fifty, and then when she’s fifty, he’ll be almost sixty. Too old.
4.) He just graduated med school. People never see their spouses when one is a doctor. And on Grey’s Anatomy, the doctors are always sleeping with the other doctors and nurses. Ophelia is cute, but she can’t compete with a tall, blonde-haired millionaire doctor. (Sorry, Ophelia.)
3.) He’s too nice. Nice is lame. Ophelia will be SO BORED when she’s like, 23 and realizes that her older, doctor boyfriend is too busy saving lives and golfing to go out clubbing.
2.) He’s too good looking. Again, the nurses are bound to fall in love with him.
1.) I will never be able to bring a boyfriend home without him also being a good-looking, well mannered doctor. Which means that I am going to be single for the rest of my life, while my sister and her husband make lots of good-looking doctor babies. I will have lots of cats.
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Presenting the Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington: Adventurer. Philosopher. Knob head. Karl Pilkington isn’t keen on travelling. Given the choice, he’ll go on holiday to Devon or Wales or, at a push, eat English food on a package holiday in Majorca. Which isn’t exactly Michael Palin, is it? So what happened when he was convinced by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant to go on an epic adventure to see the Seven Wonders of the World? Travel broadens the mind, right? You’d think so...
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A fun story written in a rhyming, limerick style, "When Cows Fly" is aimed at the younger set. Illustrated with finely cut paper illustrations, the story revolves around a boy in the woods, his pet cows and a massive pile of garbage that is accumulating nearby. Jacob takes matters into his own hands. He attaches wings to his cows and they go to work. What happens next is both funny and (a little bit ... ) gross. You can probably guess.
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Some aspiring musicians wait a lifetime for that elusive record deal. Bryan Rivers waited three days longer.
As if dealing with the suicide of her clinically depressed husband wasn’t difficult enough, to Claire Rivers’ amazement one of the biggest record companies in the country suddenly wants to offer him a contract.
When his ‘status’ is viewed as only a minor inconvenience, she begins to wonder if someone, somewhere, is playing a very distasteful joke on her.
Set in 2006, Will You Love Me Tomorrow is a comedy about death, depression, grief, loss, friendship, family, haircuts and the music business.
Word Count: 130,000
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This is the story of a young boy whose manners always get him in trouble. When he gets some, Henry learns to mind his manners - and they don't mind at all. This picture book is good for 3 - 7 year-olds.
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OVER 50,000 COPIES SOLD IN EBOOK AND PAPERBACK!
Since it was published in May 2011 Dear Coca-Cola has received 33 x 5 Star Amazon Customer Reviews. Following are extracts from just three of them -
Colette - Funny, funny, funny. Thanks to this book all the people who were on the same plane as me think I’m a fruitcake as I sat giggling and laughing to myself non-stop. I just didn’t want it to end.
Daisy - I had already read and enjoyed Terry Ravenscroft's Dear Air 2000 so I was really looking forward to this. I was not disappointed. Magnificent. And Mr Ravenscroft has another eight books on Kindle that I have still to read. Can't wait.
Lee Sylvester - Do not read this book whilst holding a cold drink, a hot partner or anything squeezable. The genius of this man's writing is a beautiful thing to read, dry, sharply observed and above all cheap as chips on kindle downloads.
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Putting pen to paper with hilarious results, in Dear Coca-Cola Terry Ravenscroft homes in on the Food & Drink industry. Household names such as Heinz, Ryvita, Tesco, Cadburys and of course the Coca-Cola Company are the targets for his entertaining epistles, resulting in a laugh-out-loud letters book with a difference. And you don’t want to know what he asks Jacob’s Biscuits for! But you will when you’ve read his letters to them.
You will never look at the contents of your fridge or kitchen cupboards in the same way again.
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Another review extracts -
Chocolady - What an excellent book....it had me laughing out loud from the beginning. I challenge anyone to buy this book and keep on reading until the end before putting it down. I now have all the other books by Terry and each one is just as funny as the previous book.
Give your chuckle muscles a favour and treat them to a copy of Dear Coca-Cola.
Note. Much of this book was published in paperback under the title Dear Customer Services.
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"Brilliant book... very funny..."
"If you buy one book this year, get this..."
"Fantastic, hilarious, painful. Completely un-put-downable. Probably the best book I have read this millenium!"
"One of those 'Just one more chapter then I'll turn the light out' books... before you know it the sun is rising! Couldn't put it down."
"A great easy to read story which sucks you in and keeps you wanting more."
"It was while holding aloft a not altogether pleasant-smelling mackerel that the decision was made. The March rain hammered on the rotting tin roof high above the market stall, where I had spent the last six months pushing out dubious trays of marine life at three for a fiver. After a two-week holiday in Tenerife Joy and I vowed that a life in fish giblets was not going to be our destiny and a life in the sun, was.
A complete lack of catering experience, zero business acumen and the sum of our vastly wealth barely reaching waist level of a ceramic pig did little to deter our enthusiasm for buying a bar. “Where do we sign?” we replied. And then the whole silly, sunny saga began..." Joe Cawley
When Joe and his girlfriend Joy decide to trade in their life on a cold Lancashire fish market to run a bar in the Tenerife sunshine, they anticipate a paradise of sea, sand and siestas. Little did they expect their foreign fantasy to turn out to be about as exotic as Grimsby on a wet Monday morning.
Amidst a host of eccentric locals, homesickness and the occasional cockroach infestation, pint-pulling novices Joe and Joy struggle with ‘Brits abroad’ culture and learn that, although the skies might be bluer, the grass is definitely not always greener.
A hilarious insight into the wild and wacky characters of an expat community in a familiar holiday destination, More Ketchup than Salsa is a must-read for anybody who has ever dreamed about jetting off to sunnier climes, finding a job abroad… or anybody who has even momentarily flirted with the idea of ‘doing a Shirley Valentine’ in these trying economic times.
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Journalist, presenter, broadcaster, husband, father, vigorous all-rounder – Alan Partridge – a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future. Gregarious and popular, yet Alan’s never happier than when relaxing in his own five-bedroom, south-built house with three acres of land and access to a private stream. But who is this mysterious enigma?
I Partridge: We Need To Talk About Alan is the memoir of Alan Partridge, the nation’s favourite broadcaster. It is a work of heart-breaking majesty.
Genuinely one of the best books of the last, what, fifteen to twenty years, I, Partridge charts the highs, lows and middle bits in the life of one of Europe’s most revered inquisitors.